“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Proverbs 16:24 ESV
First words. Sweet evidence that a baby is growing and developing. After several months of cute, unintelligible jabbering, it is beyond exciting when parents hear an actual word emerge from their little one’s mouth. Development varies from child to child, but after mastering a handful of words early, our oldest began speaking in complete, grammatically correct sentences before he was two. And he was off to the (verbal) races!
Our youngest son, fourteen months younger than his big brother, didn’t speak as quickly. Not because he couldn’t, but because every time the little guy started to talk, his elder brother took over the conversation and spoke for him. That continued until we finally (repeatedly) said, “Rusty, let Jeremy talk for himself.”
Russ and I have always been avid readers and lovers of words, so it was amusing (most of the time) to have our pronunciation of words corrected and the grammatical structure of our sentences questioned by our miniature in-house wordsmith-grammarian. I daresay our son’s scrutiny of our words and how we used them was a constant reminder to be conscious of how we spoke. (Thank you, little helper!)
We love words. The bookshelves throughout our home bear witness.
“Words are the voice of the heart.” – Confucius
Sometimes, we (all of us) forget the weight words carry.
Words are powerful. Words can be powerfully good at times, but at other times, the same words can be hurtful, even destructive.
Hurt feelings and crushed spirits result when careless words are spoken without love or regard for the impact the words may have on the listener.
Early in my career, I learned there are positive, encouraging ways to say even the most difficult and potentially hurtful truths that must be spoken to help someone grow and move forward. I once had an employee tell me, “Even when I’ve made a big mistake and have to be counseled and corrected by you, I walk away from our conversation encouraged and motivated to work smarter and be better. How do you do that?”
I understand that an employer-to-employee conversation is different from a peer-to-peer spiritual conversation. Still, speaking truth to “build up” instead of “tear down” applies.
“Speak the truth to one another; render in your gates judgments that are true and make for peace.” Zechariah 8:16 ESV
As believers, we must be mindful that our words have the power to encourage or crush. Speaking truth is not meant to be judgmental or harsh. Our goal is always to build up, not tear down. We are to be encouragers.
“Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Scripture gives us guidelines for our general conversations and interactions with believers and unbelievers.
“Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.” Colossians 4:6 NLT
Think before you speak.
“Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few.” Ecclesiastes 5:2 ESV
Answer these questions before you open your mouth:
- Is this time, place, and subject appropriate?
- Is this encouraging, edifying, and constructive?
- Is this God honoring?
“Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you…admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” 1 Thessalonians 5:13b-14 ESV
In matters of more significance, when you feel compelled to have a serious conversation with another believer:
- Prayerfully, honestly evaluate your relationship with that person. Does the relationship and trust level need to grow and strengthen before a serious conversation begins?
- Pray to make certain your heart is right, and to get clearance to have the conversation. Don’t assume it is a conversation God wants you to have—your job may be to pray for that person.
- If God says, “Yes,” then move forward.
- Ask the person for permission to have the conversation. “Can we talk about…?
- Start by acknowledging something you observed that is good and positive about that person’s spiritual walk.
- Speak gently in truth and love, without condemnation, preaching, or becoming judgmental.
- Remind that person of their identity in Christ and His great love.
- Conclude the conversation on a positive note – a word of encouragement, a promise of God, or a Scripture reminding believers of the ongoing perfecting work of all believers. Pray if the situation warrants.
- Affirm your love and desire for God’s best for that person.
It may sound like a process, but it can be accomplished in seconds, even mid-conversation.
Every personal interaction is an opportunity to build up or tear down. No matter how brief the encounter, you will leave an impression or have an impact on the other person.
A bright smile and brief, friendly greeting say you’re delighted your paths have crossed – that’s encouraging.
Be mindful of your words, be deliberate and encouraging in every word you speak.
“I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in Him in all speech and all knowledge—even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you—so that you are not lacking in any gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 1:4-7 ESV