“Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness! Psalm 115:1 ESV
My mom was on the other end of the line; I sat in a telephone booth in my college dorm’s “common” area. Yes, that statement ages me immediately. For those who’ve never lived in a world where telephone booths were prolific and telephone conversations were geographically limited by the length of a phone cord, try to imagine having a conversation in a tiny glass-enclosed closet with a telephone attached to the wall. Physically visible to all passers-by, at least your conversations were private unless you were a loud talker.
Mom laughed as she recounted a recent conversation with my extremely intelligent and equally outspoken youngest cousin. Momma had told my three-year-old(-ish) cousin that she could not have or do something she wanted.
With hands on her hips and sassy in her eyes, she told my mom, “When I get big and you get little….” She then went on to expand on her grown-up plans. Mom and I laughed over my little cousin’s big plans for her future and my mom’s diminishing size. Over the years, the story was often shared at family gatherings, generating much good-natured teasing and laughter at my still-smart, confident, and sassy cousin’s expense.
Over the years, I have thought about that expression frequently and in many contexts, “When I get big and you get little….”
I thought about it when I sat in a meeting, the lowest person on the totem pole, listening to someone of a higher rank that I did not highly regard or think very intelligent. “When I get big and you get little….”
I thought about it when I was being scapegoated by a superior for carrying out their ill-advised instructions. “When I get big and you get little….”
There were numerous situations where that little line played through my head. It almost became a mantra.
Eventually, getting “big” became the goal. I wanted to be the one giving instructions. I wanted to be the one making the big decisions. I wanted to be the one in charge. I wanted to be the one getting the accolades and attention.
I wanted to be big, which meant others needed to be small, at least smaller than me. This did not mean I sabotaged people, held them back, or hindered their progress. I wanted others to succeed, but I wanted to succeed more. So, I worked harder, put in longer hours, and sacrificed things that should not have been sacrificed to continue to get “bigger.”
I allowed my priorities to be driven by my desire to be “big.”
WOW. Seeing that in writing is almost as ugly as the reality of my thinking and heart condition at the time.
And during those (too many) years, my relationship with God became strained and forced. I still read my Bible, attended church, and was still a believer, but in my focus to become “big,” the things of God grew distant. The further I pushed those God “things” away, the smaller they became. The reality was I was trying to make God smaller.
Finally, God said, “Enough!” And He began to right-size me. “Big” was never His goal for me—it should never have been my goal for myself.
Right-sizing hurts. Shrinking is painful. It means you set aside or God takes away all those things you thought built you up—the things you were so sure made you “big.”
With each big thing set aside or taken away, my view of God grew, and I saw myself shrinking. Getting smaller felt right—the nearer I became to God, the more desperately I wanted myself right-sized.
After years of reading John the Baptist’s words in John 3:30, I finally began to understand the magnitude of what he was saying.
“He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30 ESV
About the time God began His “right-sizing” project in me, I read the newly published book, “The Purpose Driven Life.” Rick Warren’s (now often quoted) words from the first line of the first chapter of his book hit home when I read them for the first time, “It’s not about you.” He concludes the following paragraph with the line, “You were born by His purpose for His purpose.”
Finally, after decades of being a believer in Christ Jesus, I began to grasp in a real and personal way that it truly was not about me. Conceptually, I knew this. I would have always agreed that I believed it – but I came to learn that mental assent is not heart-seated belief.
- He must increase; I must decrease.
- It’s all about HIM; it has never been about me.
- It is by His purpose and for His purpose that I exist.
- And it is for His glory, not my own, that I live and breathe and serve.
How about you?
Do you struggle to be “Big” in the eyes of the world, to those around you, or even to yourself?
Or, are you living a surrendered life, “rightly-sized,” confident in knowing when “He is Big and You are Small,” you bring glory and honor to your Heavenly Father?
“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11:33-36