“So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God…Christ Jesus Himself being the cornerstone….” Ephesians 2:19
We want desperately to belong—to be accepted, to fit in, to be part of the group or one of the team. Longing to belong – that’s us. It’s human nature.
Abraham Maslow presented a radical new approach to mapping the “basic needs and higher aspirations of human beings” in his writing, “Theory of Human Motivation,” published in Psychological Review in 1943. Maslov introduced the idea of belongingness as a fundamental human need for “interpersonal connection and acceptance.”[i]
Maslow’s radically new psychological revelation was, in fact, old news. In the beginning, in the Garden of Eden, God created us—all humankind—for belonging and community. Scripture weaves the threads of belonging, community, relationship, and fellowship throughout its pages.
If it is true that the desire for interpersonal connection and acceptance is God-given, then those longings and deep desires are not wrong.
The natural question then is this, “Okay, if my desire to belong is God-given, why do I frequently feel like a stranger in my own life?”
I believe the answer is simple, not easy—difficult, in fact—but at the same time, simple.
When we accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we became citizens of another land. Paul writes in Philippians 3:20, “But our citizenship is in Heaven….” We are no longer citizens of this sin-stained World.
As citizens of Heaven, our status has changed. We are no longer under the jurisdiction of this worldly dominion. The World should not dictate our lifestyle, desires, goals, or actions. It is no longer where we belong.
Maybe we don’t understand what that means, or we get so caught up in our day-to-day lives that we forget, or we’re so attracted by the shiny lights and sparkling trinkets of this World that we’re drawn back into the life we must leave behind. If we are to experience true belonging, we cannot go back.
Otherwise, we’ll find ourselves repeatedly trying to fit in. We will strive for belonging and acceptance, not realizing we’ve become a new creation in Christ Jesus. We are the round peg that will never again fit into the square holes of this life on Earth. That’s why we feel uncomfortable. We don’t fit in. We don’t belong.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV
The problem for Christ-followers is we often have a misplaced longing to belong.
When we (Christ-followers) spend our time, energies, and passions trying to belong to a “world belonging to others,” we will never realize the complete sense of belonging and joy that comes when we embrace the fellowship, acceptance, and love that is part of our Heavenly citizenship.
The Apostle Paul says, “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”
Galatians 5:24 ESV”
As Christ-followers and new creations, when we return to the passions and desires of the flesh, which have been put to death by Jesus, it is as though we are trying to resurrect a dead man.
The result will never be a vibrant, meaningful, fulfilling life. You will always feel as though you don’t belong. You’ll be uncomfortable in the World, dragging around and trying to breathe life into a “dead man.” And, you’ll feel unsettled and guilt-filled when you attempt to fit into the “Heavenly” crowd.
The Apostle Peter knew this truth. He called it “war” and warned the Believers scattered throughout the Roman Empire.
“Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.”
1 Peter 2:11 ESV
You are no longer citizens of this World; you are sojourners and exiles. You may live here, but you do not belong. Don’t believe the Enemy’s lies that this is where you belong.
Peter goes on to remind Believers who they are in Christ Jesus. He encourages them to rejoice in their new identities and accept their new calling.
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”
1 Peter 2:9 ESV
Are you a Christ-follower struggling with feelings of not belonging?
Ask yourself, “To whom or what am I trying to belong? Am I longing for acceptance and approval by this World? Am I trying to juggle Jesus and the World, hoping to win the approval of both?”
If you’re looking for acceptance and belongingness in the World AND hoping for acceptance and approval from God, I’m sorry. It is not going to happen. You cannot find the joy of belonging in darkness and light at the same time.
You are chosen, redeemed, and a new creation in Christ Jesus. You are called out of the darkness of this World. You belong to The Light. Your citizenship is now eternally secure in the Kingdom of God.
Here’s an old song we used to sing. I never hear it anymore, perhaps because too many of today’s Christians are focused on belonging to and being accepted by this world.
This world is not my home, I’m just a-passing through.
May treasures are laid up, somewhere beyond the blue.
The angels beckon me, from Heaven’s open door.
And I can’t feel at home, in this world anymore.
Oh Lord, you know, I have no friend like you.
If heaven’s not my home, then Lord, what will I do?
The angels beckon me, from Heaven’s open door.
And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.
–original author unknown
“For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. …But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation. …Therefore encourage one another and build one another up….” 1 Thessalonians 5:5, 8, 11 ESV
[i] Samuel, Kim. 2023. “The New Psychology of Belonging” Psychology Today, April 17.