“So the last will be first, and the first last. … And whoever would be first among you must be your slave….”
Matthew 20:16, 27
First Grade. A lot of firsts rolled into those two words. It was the first time I had spent most of my daylight hours away from home. It was the first time I made friends with kids who were not cousins, next-door neighbors, or who attended my church. It was also the first time I had the opportunity to be selected by my teacher to be “first” from amongst a large group of other children.
First. The fortunate student chosen to be first in line was the leader. Responsibility, prestige, and power sat heavily on the shoulders of the child selected to lead the procession from the classroom to the bathrooms, the lunchroom, or the playground. It was a coveted position we all wanted.
First was particularly sweet if earned because of a top grade, winning a spelling bee, neatest handwriting, or because you were quietest and most still when the teacher called for order in the classroom. This elevated level of first carried all the glories of being first plus the recognition that you had done something the best. Sweet, indeed!
I confess, I always wanted that lead position. I wanted everyone to think that teacher liked me best and trusted me most. Wicked little heart.
And so what began as a childish thrill of recognition, over the years, became an unholy desire to be first in everything I did. You may call it a compulsion, an obsession, or a sinful heart. You would be correct.
It is remarkable how something so innocently begun can turn into a weapon to be used against me by self, sin, and Satan.
I even dressed up my not-God-honoring desire to be first in the spiritual claim that “Jesus deserves my very best.”
The worst of it, I have realized, is that constantly pushing myself to be first – to be in the lead – to run the show – meant that I was shoving God into a number two spot in my life. My will not thine be done. How sad. How arrogantly wicked.
Thus says the LORD, the King of Israel and his Redeemer, the LORD of hosts: “I am the first and I am the last; besides Me there is no god.
Isaiah 44:6 ESV
Jesus was and is our most perfect example. God in the flesh, yet fully man. Jesus had every right by earthly standards, to make everyone – all people, all spiritual leaders, and all governments – acknowledge Him as Number One. He alone could have rightfully demanded worship and acclaim as Lord of All. He is God.
But He did not, Jesus fully submitted Himself to His Father’s will even to persecution and death on the cross. He humbled Himself as an obedient servant to the Father (Philippians 2:5-11). In doing so, Jesus beautifully demonstrated how we are to turn loose of that number one lead position we so desperately want to claim. Jesus shows us that only a fully surrendered heart can faithfully follow God.
For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will but the will of Him who sent Me.
John 6:38 ESV
We are to surrender that lead position to its rightful Owner, God.
If you think about it, Jesus never said to His disciples, to the crowds that followed Him, or to the spiritual leaders of the time, “Lead on, I’ll follow you.” Not one time. Jesus, Son of God, is not the follower. He is the Leader.
The invitation that Jesus extended repeatedly was simple, “Follow Me.”
In those two words, Jesus offered eternal life – life with purpose, peace, joy – an abundant life.
I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10
Jesus’s words, “Follow Me,” invite us to follow Him. Every day. In all things. Now and forever.
When I demand first place in my life – when I attempt to take the control away from God – I will go astray. Hard stop. No question. Anyone walking with me or following me will be at risk of being led astray.
Friend, I speak to you from experience. If you are a redeemed child of God, He will not allow you to deny His rightful position in your life forever. A day of reckoning will come. Gentle prods will turn into noticeable nudges, a smallish push becomes a firm shake, and before you know it, you are flat on your behind. God will get your attention. He will not tolerate a number two position in your life..
Surrendering yourself to God – giving up your foolish tug-of-war-for-leadership-of-your-life with God can be scary.
But here’s the promise to which you can cling. God will never lead you to a place He has not already been. God is there, He has always been, and He always will be.
God leads because He knows the best path for you. He has your journey mapped out and your destination is prepared and waiting for you to arrive.
“We cannot think rightly of God until we begin to think of Him as always being there – and being there first!.”
A. W. Tozer
Are you struggling to take the lead, or are you following?
Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God! Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground!
Psalm 143:10 ESV