Suffocated

My sister tried to kill me.

Yes, you read that right. She most definitely, premeditatively attempted to kill me. Perhaps, it was in retaliation for the time I almost bit off her little finger when she was a tiny baby. Or maybe it was wicked sin harbored deep in her almost three-year-old heart. Who can say? I’m not one to judge.

Momma was doing Saturday chores and laundry. I lay flat on my stomach on the puke-green nubby textured late-1950s-styled contemporary couch watching cartoons. In the background, I could hear Momma go out the back door to hang the wet laundry on the clothesline.

My little sister was flitting to and fro, per her usual. She couldn’t sit still then, and she can’t sit still today. I had no interest in her antics, I was fixated on Popeye’s exploits.

Without warning the large, loose couch-back cushion fell over covering me head to toe. Before I could react, I felt my little sister pounce on the cushion pinning me flat between the heavy cushion and the nubby couch.

Every move I made in an attempt to free myself resulted in me being more tightly swallowed by the weighty-over-sized cushion ridden by my now-cackling little sister. My arms and legs were completely immobilized. If my head had not been turned to see the TV when the attack occurred, I wouldn’t have been able to breathe at all.

That’s when panic set in and I began to scream for Momma. After what seemed like forever, I paused to take a breath and heard Momma at the back door. Her super-sensitive-mom-ears had heard my screams.

Relief returned to full-blown panic when I heard Momma yelling, “Who locked the door? Open the door!” Shellye was laughing maniacally as she sat astride my nubby coffin. I felt sure I had seen my last Popeye cartoon. Tears flooded my squished face; I was choking on my screams. Death was certain.

How Momma finally got into the house, I don’t know. All that mattered was that she did.

Momma pulled my little sister off her perch atop the cushioned heap, then dug me out from its jaws. I gulped the fresh air, then, took long, deep breaths to fill my starved lungs. Momma dried my tears and hugged me tight.

Eventually, my toddler sister confessed to locking the door. Premeditated and Guilty.

There have been other times in my life when I’ve experienced that suffocating-think-I-might-go-under feeling. Times when I felt like I was buried by my situation, overwhelmed by the circumstances, and suffocating under the weight of burdens, trials, and problems completely beyond my control.

Do you know what I’m talking about? That feeling of not being able to catch your breath or breathe deeply enough to fill your lungs because the stress of the situation holds you so tightly in its grip you don’t know if you’re going to make it out alive?

I’m guessing you know it all too well. Most of us will experience that suffocating feeling from time to time in our spiritual journey. Perhaps, you’re walking through such a time right now.

The Book of Job is the story of a godly man, who through no fault of his own, went through a profound time of crushing losses:

– The loss of all of his material possessions,

– The catastrophic loss of his ten children,

– The loss of his social, political, and economic standing, and

– The loss of his physical health.

Layered upon all of that was the accusatory “support” of his friends who unjustly, cruelly even, laid culpability for Job’s calamity at his feet. Suffocating.

And yet, Job said with honesty and great faith,

Job 1:21-22 ESV

Throughout Job’s suffocating journey of loss and pain, he learned more about the character of God. Job became better acquainted with the reality of God’s majesty, power, and the awesome nature of His sustaining love.

Job 33:4 ESV

Job also learned more about himself during this period of trial. From the beginning of his story, Job maintained his righteousness and pursuit of a god-honoring life. But as Job saw God more clearly, he began to see himself more honestly. Job realized that at his very best, he was unworthy and undeserving of all the blessings and favor God had given to him.

Job realized, much like the Prophet Isaiah, that all our righteousness is no better than dirty rags (Isaiah 64:6 NKJV).

It’s the same with us, as we draw closer to God during those suffocating times of trial and testing, we begin to see God more clearly. We understand better the daily grace and mercy that He shows to us.

We can see Him from the depths of our situation and grab hold of His outstretched hand, confident that He will never let us go. He pulls us out of the heap of our troubles, lovingly breathes life into us, and walks with us through the hard times.

1 Peter 5:10 ESV

In your sin, you were a dead man walking, but God rich in mercy, made you alive in Christ Jesus. When you accepted Jesus as your LORD and Savior, the Spirit of God breathed new life into you. (Ephesians 2:4-7)

When life becomes suffocating, cry out to the One who gave you new life in Jesus. The powerful breath of His Holy Spirit will restore, resuscitate, and sustain you throughout times of trials and in times of blessing.

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